Facebook - friend or foe?

A friend of mine and I were discussing Facebook the other day. She very wisely pointed out that the good news stories normally get a few likes, but it's the negative posts that get the most reaction. That really got me thinking and looking at my posts and my friends' posts over the last few months.

Now I know that I now have more time to really look at what my friends are posting and read them.  And I'll admit there are some who, when I see their name, I don't even bother to read and that's where the interesting patterns emerge.

I'm hoping I won't offend anyone with this blog, but ultimately, I know that I will.  I've checked the numbers on my friends list and anticipate it will drop as some people read this, but that's ok - that's their right.  Just as it is my right to ignore what they are posting and flick down to the next person.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not sitting in judgement here - I'm guilty of quite a few of these myself.

Here are some of the people on my list (names changed to protect the innocent):

• Cute kitten and puppy spammer - when I see these posts, there are usually about 20 in a row, all with cute catch phrases and witty remarks.  I often wonder if this person spends their whole time trawling the net to find these pics, or if it is, in fact, a spambot from an application that they have joined who posts on their behalf.  Part of me hopes it's the latter, because some of these ones are guys who send them to me!
• Inspirationalist - pretty much the same as the Cute kitten and puppy spammer, but with inspirational quotes.  I wonder the same things about those people too!
• Vaguebooker (aka The Drama Queen) - posts a single throw away line.  I call it baiting the hook.  "Shit day today" "Life sucks" "Can't believe what happened today" - all lines that will inevitably lead to someone commenting "Is everything ok" "Here if you need me" or other helpful bits and pieces.   Comments are usually followed by "will PM you" or alternatively a long narrative on what the problem is/was/will be.  Seriously, if you don't want the world to know (ie you PM someone) - don't put it on facebook.  This shit will come back to haunt you.
• Mondayitis Mob - there has not been a single Monday that someone hasn't posted that it is Monday.  I know it's Monday - I have a calendar app on my iPad.
• Friday Friendly - again, I know it's Friday, and it's great that we are celebrating the end of another week of drudgery, but really, when you see the same person posting it each week, you gotta question if they really want to be in their job :)
• LOLers - they're the ones who insult you, bag someone or something and then add LOL at the end.  It's like my teenage daughter saying "No offence Mum, but that dress makes you look fat." This doesn't negate the fact that they have just offended you - but it makes them look like it's just jokes.  Seriously, if you've got nothing nice to say (or can't say something in a nice way), don't bother to say it and certainly don't try to mask it by laughing at the end.  If you said it to me to my face and laughed, I'd probably smash you in the mouth.  Oh and if you see me in person and say LOL rather than just laughing out loud, be afraid.  LOL, no offence.
• The Trumper - no matter what you post on FB,this person will know someone who did it first/faster/slower/better.  I used to do this a lot (in person), until a very wise woman called me on it and now I try really hard not to, unless I recognise a fellow trumper and then I have fun playing with their heads and trying to beat their trumps.  I have one friend in particular who knows this little game of mine, who enjoys looking on as I play.
• Hypocrites - the people who bitch and moan about others bitching and moaning.  Who tell others to stop living their soap operas out on FB and then proceed to do so themselves. 

These are my pet irritations on Facebook.  There are others - the ones who bag out restaurants or service always amuse me.  Yep, you're probably making sure your friends don't eat there, buy stuff or use a service, but really, if you have a problem with something like that, maybe you should talk about it to the person who can fix the problem, not the world at random.  Word of mouth is a powerful tool but one person's experience can often be vastly different to another's.  I love when I see people commenting on those posts about what great service they've had or how well they were treated - not everyone has the same issues or expectations of service providers, so opinions will vary (although it's hard to find someone to say something nice about Telstra customer service!)

Facebook unfortunately allows passive aggressives an avenue of speech.  It allows people to make comments that they would never make face to face, or make gutless statements about someone or something knowing that that person will not see them - or perhaps they are hoping that someone will see them and tell them.

Funnily enough, my favorite friend is the one who isn't on FB.  When I meet FB friends, often we are at a loss of what to talk about.  The conversation goes a little something like this:

Me:  "Oh, I'm doing such and such"
Friend: "Yeah I know I read it on Facebook"
End of conversation

My nonFB friend and I:
Me: "Oh, I'm doing a ride from Goondiwindi to Brisbane in September"
Friend: "Wow that sounds great.  Is it on the cycle?  Can anyone do it? How do you think you'll go? What training are you doing?"
and the conversation flows...

You may have noticed that I don't live nearly as much of my life on FB as I used to.  I looked back over my posts over a 12 month period and realised that I shared way too much of my life on here - in fact I probably spent so much time posting it that I wasn't really living it.  Holidays without phone coverage were spent in nervous anticipation of getting back to transmission range so I could check FB and update my posts.

Now I use FB as a communication tool.  I love hearing about my friends' challenges, their families, their holidays, the positives and the negatives.  But we have to be careful about falling into the trap of making it the place to go to bitch, moan complain and bust a cap in someone's ass as a constant.  I know you'll have a bad day and want to write about it - that's ok and I support a good vent as much as the next person, I'll listen and offer advice and be an ear.  However when it's the same person constantly doing that and never celebrating the positives, you may not get deleted, but I'll certainly hide your statuses - and so will lots of others.

So here's a  challenge.  Look back at your posts for the last 3 months.  Weigh up the positive posts with the negative ones.  Really read your words - were you posting to inform, to hurt, to get a reaction, to celebrate?  For the next week (don't want to make this too hard), let go of the negatives you want to post.  Celebrate life.  Celebrate the positives.  Be happy that you woke up this morning (because the alternative is nowhere near as good).  Be thankful for the people in your life.  They were meant to test you, if everything was easy, think how boring life would be.  And if you really have to post a negative, find a positive note to end on - "Crap day at work, but glad to come home to the family/wine/dog/house over my head"

And if you notice that you have friends who can't resist the dark side - reach out to them.  This might be their way of asking for help.  It might be the only way they know.  Take them for a coffee, or a beer or a walk and offer what comfort you can to them in their dark times.